I woke up in recovery feeling like I had taken a pretty good nap. The nurses and anesthesiologist were right. They did take good care of me and I didn’t remember or feel a single thing. Thank God. I looked up at the male nurse caring for me and asked for my husband. He offered me some ice chips and said if I could eat them I could see Matt. I gobbled down the ice as fast as possible. They wheeled me into my room and Matt came in shortly after. It was good to see him again. I could tell he had been crying and I could see the relief on his face that his wife was in one piece.

I was so thankful that it was over. It was done. I didn’t have to think about the surgery part of this journey any longer. Now the focus was recovery and healing and getting back to “normal” as quick as possible. Our doctor came in and I was able to ask her some questions. She reassured us we made the best decision with the surgery and we thanked her for her gentle care.

Our sweet nurse, Kerin, came into the room and was happy to see me awake and recovering from the anesthesia. She quickly hurried away to make me some toast with jam. After almost inhaling the second helping of toast Kerin offered me some ice cream to round out the post-surgery snack. I of course accepted her offer happily, who can turn away ice cream? Lets face it, I basically needed a mountain of the best chocolate ice cream the Earth has to offer at this point. The hospital’s Hoodsie cup like version was second best, but still a welcomed normalcy.

Kerin was busy entering data and checking vitals while Matt and I discussed the recent events. We talked about how we could see Gods hand in all of this and how sad we were to have lost our baby. I was telling Matt how relieved I was that the surgery part of this journey was over and that all went well when Kerin started to take my blood pressure. I will never forget what she said to me that day. She turned and said “I can’t believe the faith you have. I’m blown away by what amazing faith in God you have through this all.” I was shocked. Out of everything that transpired in the time we were in the hospital, out of all the pain and sadness, there He was. God. Working through us even in what seemed like a pit of despair at times.

I responded to Kerin by saying that “God is good, all the time. I really believe that.”. I asked her if she attends church and found that she did not. We talked about our church, Eliot Baptist. We shared about all the different pastors and how wonderful it has been to have a church family like this one in our lives. We talked some about God and His character. Before Kerin left the room she turned to us and said “you just never know who’s life you are going to touch and change forever.”.

As I was being wheeled out of the hospital I asked to stop so I could hug her goodbye and she cried and said she would see me in Target someday. I smiled and said “I will look for you in church my friend” and winked at her. I don’t know what God was doing in Kerin’s heart that day. I don’t know what His plan is for her life or what He was trying to get across to her. All I know is He was up to something and I was just the middle man.

I still don’t know what God is doing with this. Although I can see His hand working in mighty ways, I don’t know the big picture. All I know is that this is the lot we have in life and I feel called to share it with anyone who will read it or listen. I want women to know that they are not alone in this journey of miscarriage/loss and that it is ok to talk about it. I want women to not be afraid to tell of their pregnancy just because there could be a loss. It’s true, it does happen and the statistics are there, but a life is a life – at conception. Even a life that is short lived and born into Heaven can be celebrated. We don’t need to live in fear because of the odds, we can embrace the new life right away and know that whatever the Lord has planned is ultimately the best plan for our life. Last but not least, I want this story to share the hope we have through our Savior, Jesus Christ. Want to know more about how to have your own relationship with God? Check out this post I wrote a few months ago: Salvation? Another great resource: http://www.intouch.org/Resources/ArticleArchive/Content.aspx?topic=Onward_Christian