Friend: Do you ever look back on pictures of your kiddos where they were much younger and think to yourself that you could have done better. Ugh, that is me tonight. I was looking at an old picture of C and just thinking how I’ve failed him and how I wasn’t there for him like I should have been bc I was an anxious emotional mess when pregnant with O. It’s making my heart hurt. I just want my kids to know that I love them and I want them to feel loved by me.
I think it’s healthy to assess and evaluate our choices, behaviors, shortcomings, and accomplishments too. There is always something to be learned. As long as we invite the Lord into our evaluation it’s a good thing. If left alone, we could be walking into a pit of despair leaving ourselves feeling defeated, deflated, and deprived of encouragement – so tread aware and be kind as you examine yourself!
There is another way to parent – with honesty and transparency…I struggle with perfectionism and anxiety (it’s a REALLY fun combo – not!). If I’m not careful I can feel held captive by my inability to press forward sometimes. This flares up especially when life’s circumstances get heavy or messy (which they have been more often than not for a few years now). I tend to get lost in thought and it can effect my parenting if I’m not paying attention.
Every now and then the kids will sense I’m not fully present with them (because I’m likely mulling over a million different things at once – you know just solving the world’s problems one worry at a time – if you have anxiety you totally know what I mean here). When this happens I have learned to address it head on with my kids. I usually do it by looking them in the eyes, and laughing with them, while I explain how silly it must have felt for me to be spacing out like that during our play time (or whatever we were doing at the moment).
Next time you feel you are failing as a parent just try calling it out for what it is and talk about it with your kids. Apologize for anything you feel God is convicting you to seek forgiveness for and open that dialog with your children. They need to understand that you too struggle with your flesh and see how Jesus helps you out too. I think our kids need to see our humanness and flaws (and how we accept and move forward with mistakes etc) in order for them to accept their own flaws and learn and grow from mistakes. If you look at your shortcoming as a great opportunity to share with your kids rather than something to be ashamed of it could really deepen the relationship you have as a parent/child. It can be a beautiful thing.
In 1 Peter 5:2-3 We are called to Shepard the flock we are given. As parents our children are part of that flock. By sharing our need for a Savior and showing them that mistakes are ok and how to repent and seek forgiveness for them – we are shepherding them well. We are literally showing them the grace of the Gospel and what it looks like to live in the freedom that God’s mercy has freely given us. By living as a “perfect parent” you are really doing a disservice to the Gospel as a whole. What need is there for Jesus if you never make a mistake? Let your kids in (when appropriate**) and open up to them about your mistakes and shortcomings (again, when appropriate**). Let them know that you’re also flawed and then show them what it looks like to learn, grow, and overcome those imperfect pieces through the power of the Holy Spirit.
unapologeticallyhis.com 