In my lifetime I have walked through immeasurable pain. Through heartache and abuse, loss and destruction. All from a very young age. I have seen family after family ripped apart and thrown away. I have watched children suffer at the hands of their parents who just can’t seem to get it together enough to care for the kids they have been given to care for.

I have witnessed first hand the fall out from this all. I have seen the wandering wounded who have walked out of these broken homes only to try and make a way in this wicked world without a clue as to how to do that well. I have watched siblings struggle with vices and tricks to try and heal their pain from their past. Attempt after attempt to fix the broken thing inside that was given to them by people who were themselves broken because of what they were given by their own parents. This cycle is so vicious and so very real. Destructive families raise destructive people who will then create their own destructive families. And so it goes on.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

It doesn’t have to continue on.

It doesn’t need to repeat itself.

There is hope…. there is life outside of this chaotic merry go round from hell.

“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” Psalm 33:20-22

I was determined to break this cycle. I knew from a young age that there must be a different way. I didn’t know what it was that needed to happen or really that my “normal” was far from anything healthy, but I knew deep down that I wasn’t made for this type of life. I knew there was something better. I just had to find it.

I searched everywhere for an answer, through anything I could get my hands on for the “how to”. I watched other families interact and learned from many different people a lot of wonderful principles. But nothing seemed to break the cycle. Everything fell so short. It might work for a while, but when put to the test of a trial it just wouldn’t hold up.

Then I found Jesus.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

I put my trust in Jesus when I was a teenager after attending a Young Life camp. I can’t tell you that I remember hearing the gospel there, or even knew what that was back then. I have no idea how God reached me, but He did. Thankfully I wrote a poem documenting my salvation, otherwise I would never have remembered it even happened when it did. I know some might say then it wasn’t true salvation, but I disagree. When you put your trust in Christ you are sealed. If you have truly given your heart to Jesus then you are His. There are no take backs in the Kingdom of God.

I was unchurched. I didn’t have a Bible. There wasn’t anyone pouring into my life at the time and so I never grew in my faith, but that doesn’t mean my salvation was any less real. I was His child. The One who started a good work in me saw it through and He brought someone to help me grow in my early 20s. I will forever be thankful for her time and care each and every week month after month teaching me the promises of God. She took the time to lay a firm foundation that would never crumble, like my many failed attempts had in the past.

Many times in my life I have felt forgotten. Even just this week I wrestled with feeling invisible. Does anyone even see me here? Are you proud of me? Am I doing this right? I feel like I’m wandering in a desert alone at times just trying to find the right way. And yet. I’m never alone. I’m never forgotten. Truly. I don’t just say that as a cute little Sunday school type of answer. I really mean it. We are NEVER forgotten or overseen by our Creator. He cares for us so deeply! He knows our every thought! He guides us and provides for us constantly!

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

I have wandered looking for answers and I can tell you nothing but Jesus will satisfy the longing in your heart for something more. For something “different” than what you have known. He is the chain breaker, the heart healer, the soul restorer. He is the way the truth and the life. These aren’t just bumper sticker sayings this is the real deal. But you have to put your trust in Him. You have to accept His gift.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelation 3:20