Recently I was asked about my wedding rings and at what point I removed them after things had fallen apart in my marriage. It was a subject that I hadn’t talked about before and recounting the memories of that part of my life was painful. I had intended to wear my rings until the very end but I found myself making decisions during the divorce process through the lens of what my soon to be ex-husband would think rather than what Christ was wanting for my life ahead. It was a very confusing time. I was still bound to this man and yet forced to consider what life without him as my husband would be like, all the while juggling the emotions of letting go of my title of wife.

I think that was the hardest part. I had placed so much of my identity in being a wife that when it was being removed from my life I was left devastated. I couldn’t believe that my hopes and dreams of him seeing the err in his ways would not be ending in a difficult but beautiful reconciliation but rather with a fiery demise. I had (maybe foolishly) pictured a very different ending to the story than what unfolded. I suppose that is because I had been disregarding the reality of the situation for a very long time. I believe it was a mixture of ignorance, immaturity, and even unwillingness to face the truth of the matter.

I was at a place emotionally where I craved the approval of those around me. I wanted to know that I was doing things well and I wanted everyone to be happy. Sometimes in life that just cannot happen. Because of this need for approval I was placing more and more of my identity in what those around me thought of me rather than what Christ thought of me. It was a dangerous road to venture down as it ultimately led to a pit of despair.

I lost my sense of wonder. I lost my humor. I lost the very things that God put in my personality that made me who I am. I kept allowing those closest to me, friends included, dictate the way I should be rather than just continuing to be myself and letting the Holy Spirit guide me and refine me. I let way too much of what others thought creep into my heart and in the process I lost myself.

By the time I took my rings off I had reached an ultimate low. I felt deserted. I felt like I had no where to turn to and the realization of my reality came into full view. I had placed my identity in worldly things. Ouch. And so began the work of Christ in my heart to help me weed through the muck and mire that had grown for so long. It has been over two years now since this time and I can still feel weeds being plucked out every so often. Amazingly I can look back and I don’t even recognize the woman that once was. She was merely a shell of who I am today and my heart aches for the place I had fallen to.

If we place our identity in anything but Christ we will eventually be sadly disappointed. I felt so whole as a wife – regardless of the health of the relationship – that’s another subject for another time. Everything but Christ will fail us eventually. Even the most beautiful of friendships will include some degree of brokenness because we live in a fallen world. Christ is perfect. He is our refuge. Our strong tower. Our provider. It is in Him and him alone that our true identity can be found.

What are you placing your value in today? Is it your performance at work? Your friendships? Your wealth? Maybe you feel whole because you are a mom. There are many titles we can collect in order to bolster up our identity but only one will do the job fully: His. We are his children. We are sons and daughters of the King most high and nothing can ever take that away from us. Once you are sealed you are sealed! Accepting Christ into your heart is the one thing that you can never lose and therefore it will never fail you.

Jesus loves you deeply and he wants you to find your identity in Him.

Ask. Seek. Knock.

Check out this article from DesiringGod and pause to reflect on where you place your identity today. ❤ If you haven’t placed your identity in Christ, now is the time.