1 Peter 5:10 “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

Several years have passed by since I have hit the publish button here on the blog. There are 54 drafts that sit waiting patiently in line wondering if they will ever be polished up and set free. I have thought many times about writing again and many more times I have felt held back. Damaged pieces of my self that clamor for attention repeat words that were spoken over my life for years by people who hurt me deeply. “Who do you think you are?” “Why do you think you have anything important to say?” “Are your stories even real or true, they sound unbelievable to me.”. These are some of the words of death that were spoken from the mouth of once trusted brothers and sisters in Christ.

I am fairly certain the people who spoke those words have moved on in life and likely haven’t thought for a moment since then about their words or the impact they had on me.

And yet, here I am still living with the impact. Life is so weird sometimes. What’s that saying about therapy, something ironic like: “I go to therapy to heal from the damage caused by people who are the ones who actually need the therapy the most”? I digress.

I was hoping that eventually the sting of betrayal would be gone and I would somehow feel whole again and then I would be ready to write again. I pictured restoration feeling pain free and maybe even carefree too. Can I tell you that it’s not? Restoration isn’t pain free and it isn’t carefree.

Now I think being healed and whole means that you can sit with the pain and have compassion for yourself (and others) in even the most tender of moments where your heart is just aching. I think being whole means you can be at peace with yourself just as you are, and with others just as they are, even when words are cutting and justice is seemingly nowhere to be found.

The sting of my past is still there, though it’s not as harrowing as it once was; it is now more of a dull ache that washes over me from time to time. There was a time that the sting of betrayal was a glaring reminder of how damaged I am. I’m slowly warming up to the notion that it can be a place where I can offer myself compassion. I am working on embracing it rather than pushing it away because now I can see it as an opportunity for growth. I can choose to welcome it in as a part of my life that has been used to shape and mould me and it gives me a greater awareness of how my words and actions can impact those around me.

As for those words of death that still whisper in my subconscious mind: Who do I think I am? I’m just a person trying to find my place in life like all the other people. Why do I think I have anything important to say? I don’t really have anything important to say. I just enjoy writing and I enjoy seeing what God is up to and I enjoy sharing the little pieces I think are interesting that I pick up along the way. As for my life story: we all have stories and yes mine are real, whether or not they are believable is really not my concern. They are my experiences take it or leave it. I think the Gospel seems way more unbelievable and yet, it’s true. Trust me, my life stories might be intense and sometimes shocking but they don’t hold a candle to Jesus and what He did or what God can do and has done.

Speaking of what God has done and will do, I love that verse from 1 Peter at the beginning of this post. It starts with: “The God of all grace”. What a powerful picture I get in my mind when I think of that for a moment. I am a human of some grace, sometimes very little grace in fact. He is the God of ALL grace. How magnificent. Then it goes on to say (in so many words) I am His for eternity through Christ. He will restore me after the suffering happens for a little while. He will make me strong, firm, and steadfast. What a beautiful promise.

Because I don’t like to cherry pick a verse I am sharing some more of that chapter below so you can get a better picture of where it fits. For more context and information on this particular passage you can read this article by Charles R. Swindoll.

I hope this post is encouraging if you have also felt the pain of betrayal and hardships. I hope that it helps you to know that you are not alone; but even more I hope it helps you to dig into the word and enjoy just a little more of who God is today.

1 Peter 5:5-11

⁵ In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,

“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”^[a]

⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ⁸ Be alert and of sober mind. ¹Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. ¹⁰And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal gloryin Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. ¹¹ To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Amen indeed! I will leave you with this:

Psalm 51:12 “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. “

Let this be our prayer as we seek the Lord for healing, restoration, and joy going forward. Be kind to yourself and others, and be gentle with yourself as you seek healing.