There's a gaping hole
It's the shape of her 
left in my heart
it's so unfair

I needed those hugs
and words of care
her gentle kindness
was never there

I needed a mom
who didn't exist
how am I suppose to go on? 
To grow up without this?

Where can I run to
when I need her nurturing? 
I never did know what that felt like,
so how can I miss a thing I never knew?

It's not like I had it and it went away
it was never there 
But my heart aches so bad it's torn to shreds

Scattered all over the floor
among the photos and cards
Who were you even?
How can this be?
To have a hole of you inside of me?

Nothing else fits, I've tried it all
It all falls apart and I'm left feeling small
This is my life and it's all that I know
Stuff it deep down, can't let it show

I feel so alone so trapped all inside
scrambling through life while dying inside
no one can help, they can't take the pain
I give it away but it's always in vain
Time doesn't help
All the good things slip into this darkness
over the edge and into the abyss

It's all consuming and I just feel numb
flat is my feeling you stole all my joy
the enemy is laughing this was his ploy
I'll render her useless without a mother
Except he forgot, I have you as my Father.

This poem was written through overwhelming tears of agony. Living without a mother is unbearable at times and this was one of those times. I love how God reminded me of who He is and that the enemy’s ploy is rendered useless as He is the Lion of Judah. The enemy can be so crafty and I can be so quick to despair, praise God he rescues me from the pit and calls me his own. ❤