My mom is a troubled soul. She was never fit to be a parent and somewhere deep inside she knew this to be true. She legally gave me up when I was just 2. She was in and out of my life for much of the early years. I can remember visits with a state aid present when I was young. Sitting at the dining room table having a snack together, everyone pretending it was normal to have a case worker in the mix nearby. My mom was in and out of jail, her drug and alcohol addictions and poor choices landed her there more than once.

But in God’s economy there’s never a lack of what we need. Because God is an incredible provider, and he knew of my lack of a mom, I am able to point to multitudes of people along the way that he used to shape my life and who I am. It’s like I’m a product of the Kingdom; Christ’s feral child whom he chose to raise moment by moment with many hands. Just like any learning process there were some good things I learned and picked up along the way, things that brought me closer to Jesus and taught me what He might be like, and there were some things that showed me how I didn’t want to be and what might be the opposite of how Jesus is. Both are equally valuable when you know which is which.

When I really sit back and give my life a good pondering over I come to the conclusion that yes, I don’t have a mother in my life and that is very painful. I also come to the conclusion that because of the lack of traditional family influence in my life I have a unique view of the world that has been shaped and moulded by many people along the way. It means that the blessing is my world is bigger as a result. I wasn’t raised in a bubble or genetic echo chamber that impacts my everyday thoughts and view of who God is and what He has called us to do. It means that I have actually spent more time with the Lord reading His word than I have with my Earthly parents and that is a blessing I didn’t expect at all. I get to have more of a relationship with God as a result of the lack of a relationship with my Earthly parents.

It’s so like God to do something incredible like this with an otherwise seemingly desolate land. He birthed a beautiful little girl for His glory and raised her up, shaping her and moulding her, fashioning her just as he pleased one interaction at a time with those she came across. Looking back there’s no one person I can point to and say because of them I am who I am, truly it took many hands and millions of interactions over time. The only thing I can truly say is that God himself was there all along and was holding my right hand all the way. How neat that I have been set up to say it is only through God alone that I am who I am today!