Several years ago I changed the tag line on my personal Facebook page to read “Living life for the Lord, one day at a time.”. I don’t quite remember when Facebook made the update to allow us to have a tag line, or personal bio snapshot, but this is what I landed on when I decided to add my own.

This was a time in my life where things were difficult in my marriage, and it was around the time when our second child was born. I was struggling with a lot of balancing acts between unhealthy friendships and a very unhealthy marriage – that not many people knew was unhealthy. It was like my own three ring circus show day in and day out. Trying to keep up the appearance of “everything is fine” while also drowning in the reality that everything really wasn’t fine. I remember clearly the feeling of the weight of living under such a double reality: it was crushing.

I didn’t want to tarnish the reputation of my husband at the time, and yet I couldn’t live life like that anymore. I held out hope that God would one day be glorified in this all. I had plans for the redemption that would come and the restoration that would be celebrated from a changed heart in a man that had gone wayward behind closed doors.

That is around the time I decided that this phrase was what perfectly summed up my life, and what I stood for and what I wanted to strive for every day: “Living life for the Lord, one day at a time.”.

Little did I know that God had big plans for that little sentence. And they looked absolutely nothing like the plans I had in mind.

The next several years would unfold in a way I never could have seen coming and yet, somehow knew deep down that it was inevitable. It was kind of like that feeling you get in your stomach as you climb to the top of the first hill on a long rollercoaster ride. The carts click back and forth with jittery jolts of what is to come. As you approach the top there is a moment of absolute silence as the gears let go and you transition from being brought up the mountain of track to being released over to the laws of gravity and force which propel you (at maximum speed) into the next loop de loop or hill up ahead.

For me, a rollercoaster is both terrifying and exciting all at once. This is pretty much how life has been these past few years. A huge mixture of terrifying and exciting all at once, and overall completely overwhelming.

On one hand I am now free, and on the other hand I am still being held captive by the very thing that I have been freed of. This feels like the place where a river meets the sea and there is a mixture of salt water and fresh water – which creates what we know as Brackish water. It’s not quite fully salt water but it’s not fresh water either. It’s a mixture; it’s the in between. And it’s in the in-between where I have been learning more than ever just what “Living life for the Lord, one day at a time.” really looks like in a very granular, concentrated, out of my hands kind of way.

It looks like a whole lot of uncertainty as far as life circumstances go. It looks like a whole lot of “ok I can do this” only to be hit again with another wave of drama and malice attempts of disruption and chaos from someone who just won’t leave me alone.

And I’m tired. And I’m weary. And if I’m being totally honest my faith has taken quite the hit. But this I know: The Lord is good, my God will prevail, He will protect me, He will provide for me, He will fight the battles ahead, He will continue to strengthen me, He will never leave me. He has not forsaken me, He sees me here, He knows every detail that has happened and every detail of what is to come. He loves me deeply and He has a plan for my life. I have a purpose and it is good and it will glorify Him no matter what.

And this is true for you too.

God will never let you go. He is always good. He is always in control over all, and we are here to glorify Him; “living life for the Lord, one day at a time.”.

Father,

Thank you that you see every detail, big – small – and in-between in our lives. Thank you that you have already provided for the needs we will have and that you have already made a way for the trials ahead. We thank you that you care deeply for each and every one of us in an up close and personal way. May we walk obediently through life in order that you be glorified through our actions. Strengthen those who are weak and weary and keep close those who feel you are far away. In Jesus name, Amen.