Ah, dating after divorce. Let me introduce you to something that is about as much fun as a botched root canal on a Monday morning before you have had a cup of coffee and after a terrible night of sleep. Okay that is slightly dramatic, but dating after divorce is what I like to think of lovingly as the vortex from hell. I kid. But sometimes it feels like you are trying to turn around a freight train with your bare hands, at least it does to me anyway. When you date the rules and expectations are much different than when you are married. With dating, things are more ambiguous and uncertain. Making matters even more confusing is the dating culture we live in today where commitment is basically taboo and defining a relationship is about as tricky as solving a calculus algorithm.

Since my love for dating is so strong (insert sarcasm here) I had resolved to allow God to bring the right man to me. It sounded like a fantastic plan. God knows where I live, he has my address, and so when He saw the time was right I figured He would send the man  along and the rest would be history. It hadn’t occurred to me that having a strange man show up at my front door might not be the most desirable way to be pursued. This paired with my church family being so small I realized I might need to reevaluate my plan for finding a potential spouse.

Enter the world of online dating. Ick.

I went from one extreme of no potential suitors and was thrust directly into the other end of the spectrum with an overwhelming number of opposite sex inquiries with the click of a button. I had entered the even more confusing world of dating online. There is a lot of negative stigma attached to the online world of romance, and with good cause. I have run into quite a few characters myself who lets say, didn’t have the greatest of character. Vetting out the gems from the imposters is important and not impossible. It just takes time and discernment.

So with all of the obstacles and confusion how do we remain steadfast in our pursuit of the Lord while also being open to the possibility of a future romance?

Proverbs 4:20-27 says:

My son, pay attention to what I say turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.
Do not turn to the right or the left, keep your foot from evil.

While this passage from Proverbs is not directly about dating I think that it would be wise to take the principles here and apply them to our lives in general, and in turn also when dating. Listen to God. Keep His commands in your heart. Guard your heart. Watch your words. Mind your actions. Do not waver from Gods will. Do not walk in sin.

Some practical ways we can apply these truths to our own lives when navigating the tumultuous waters of dating after divorce: keep your circle of friends close and informed of your motives and current romantic pursuits. Ask for guidance from those you trust and be open with your struggles. Pray over your dating life by yourself and with others. Be slow to make decisions and allow time for emotions to settle before moving forward with anything. Listen to your close circle when they have warnings and advice, sometimes those around us can see things our rose colored glasses cover up. Most of all don’t lose sight of your first love, keep Christ at the center and pursue Him over anyone else.

Dating can be enjoyable and if you wish to be married again some day it happens to be a necessity, unless of course you happen to find yourself in a position of an arranged marriage, or like me you hoped God would escort his choice of husband to your front door in which case I would suggest having a friend home when he arrives because you know, safety. To all my fellow dating ladies, I’m right here with you in the weeds of it all. Keep your chin up, your heart guarded, and continue to pray that God will direct your path. ❤